i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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