Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
