I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
