SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
zippers are such a cool invention
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
