I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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