too bad you live with your parents still
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
