the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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