Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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