I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
