u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
