She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
