I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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