god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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