This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
