I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
