Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
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he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
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Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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