Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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