Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
