On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
