Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
