My room smells like vodka and shame
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The struggles of a small town man whore
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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