I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
