I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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