god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
