Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
