I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
