how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
