Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
