She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This baby is an asshole
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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