bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
