508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
