she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
