oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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