atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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