so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
