I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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