i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
