a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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