Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
