apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
