Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
