we have pet lesbian snakes
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
