so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
