Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
