I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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