So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
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theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dear god my vagina.
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