Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
