just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just google imaged poop.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
