hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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