those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize