i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
