Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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