There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
