We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
