She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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