Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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