So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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