Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the day after is always just damage control
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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