Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
