did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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