she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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