First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
