I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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