sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
