I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
