As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
