you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
