Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
