Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
