so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
