my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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