I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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