i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
