You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
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When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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