If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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